I'm so happy

Well, it's official. Amy is *not* my girlfriend. Hah. Bet you didn't see that one coming. :P

In fact, Amy's a really good friend for me right now, and I'm really enjoying my time with her. We went out to Montana's tonight and had a great chat. I kept forgetting that I had to order, or that I had food, or a cheque to pay. What I really like about Amy is she's very open and she's not afraid to talk about anything. None of this bullshit with issues hanging over our heads that are not to be mentioned, stuff like that. I told her tonight that I feel more like myself now. I also like being able to help and to listen, because she has a lot of things going on right now like trying to get over her ex and trying to figure out what to do with her life. As weird as it might sound, I'm helping her to understand her new-found faith. I feel like I understand it from the perspective of someone who has been through it and moved past it, but I still understand why it helps some people and how it might help her. I'm also steering her away from the trappings of guilt and fear that people can fall into because of religion. I know it doesn't have to be like that, and I know there are people in the church who would agree with me. I'm sure they wouldn't agree with everything I say, and I imagine they might not even like me "influencing" her if they knew what I truly believe, but of course I don't care about that, I only care about what's best for her, and coming from a non-religious background as she is, I think it can be a bit of a shock to try to get advice on how to live by people who've gone to this kind of church all their lives and don't know anything else. I'm there to tell her, yes, it's ok to go to a club if it doesn't tempt you to do something you would regret and if you just like to go out dancing with your friends. Isn't it obvious? Well, it is, really, to her, but she's pretty vulnerable and she's liable to take very seriously what leaders in the church will tell her, so she needs someone to help balance things out.. to see their advice for what it is, and that it's ok to trust her own intuition. She's got a long way to go, she's pretty much just a kid at 21, since she's always been dependent on someone else to make decisions for her and support her. I know there's the danger of me turning into that next person, but we're both aware of it, that's one thing we talk about, so we're getting her back on her own feet. Or maybe even on her own feet for the first time. It's really a great feeling, to help someone like this, and although it may sound selfish, I feel that it's a very healthy and we both feel good because of it.

Ah, and now I finally feel like I've posted something really meaningful that's going on in my life. Thanks for listening. :)

Feelin' Groovy

"Slow down, you're going to fast. You've got to make the moment last."

I just love that little ditty by everyone's favourite 60's pop folk artists - what, they're not yours? :P

Anyhow, it's been one of those evenings of "let's see how many MSN conversations I can hold at once until I start to feel overwhelmed." Well, okay, maybe that's an exaggeration. Ok, maybe not, since I'm still getting distracted and taking several minutes to write each sentence.

Ahem.

I think that maybe I should write down ideas for this journal as they come to me. Sometimes at the end of the day, I'm just thinking, "Okay, what can I put down here that's interesting, and how can I do it as quickly as possible so I can get to bed before too late?" Well, I bet what's not interesting is this kind of ranting. ;P

I'm planning a road trip down to NS soon. Amy and I are going to drive down in her van. At first we thought it would be this weekend, but she told a friend she would go out with her, so it'll probably be the next. That's ok, gives us more time to plan (for once!) and seek out what has been the original motivation for this trip... a quest - for magic. ;)

Lost in the K-hole

Okay, so I wasn't lost in the K-hole but apparently the people I hung out with late Friday night were, or so they kept saying. Needless to say, I've had an interesting weekend - somewhat interesting, anyhow.

Friday night was at the church first, with blues band and "African children's choir" - they had a kind of fundraiser auction, too, and I got a couple things like a one-month membership at the ymca. Then it was downtown for a great show with The Fussy Part and Grand Theft Bus - always a great time with those guys. Got a good dance in, to boot. Then after the show was over (2am), drove a couple people home and then went to Bonnie's (Amy sister) place and hung out with the chemical heads. You can always count on having an interesting time when you walk in and people are snorting white powder on the table. Ketamine: cat tranquilizer. Oh boy. I certainly had the option to join, but no thanks. Chilled out, good music, silly people. Up to Amy's for cuddling, tee hee. Kinda cool, I haven't had anybody like that for a while.

Saturday. It's funny, I had just mentioned that afternoon that I never really hung out with James outside of church and just a few hours later, early that evening, he called and asked if I wanted to do something. I was pretty tired and losing my voice, but I decided I'd take advantage of the opportunity. Then something strange happened - the moment I met up with James at Chapter's, my sister called and she was sounding quite upset. She could barely get her words out and when I asked her if she was alright, she said, "not really." I went to pick her up right away. She wasn't hurt, physically. My little sister just had her little heart broken that's all. awww. The funny thing was, she said, "I don't know how I'm going to explain this to mom and dad." It's obviously sad that she can't tell her parents that she broke up with her girlfriend. Actually, she might have told my mom, but I doubt it. They were talking last night when I went to bed because my mom really wanted to know what happened. My mom's a bit nosy, and I think I take after her like that. Maybe it's not called nosy, though, when you want to know what's happening in your daughter's life. Well, we all watched a movie together (Cast Away) and had a nice relaxing evening.

Now it's Sunday and I'm at Amy's (again) but she's out with Marilyn because ... well, maybe it's private and I won't get into it. I had brunch with her and her family. Yeah, I know how it sounds, "this is getting serious." hah. I don't think so, but anyway, it doesn't matter, everybody's happy and I'm just going with the flow. Now here's something funny. I've been going to this discussion class on Sunday mornings, right, and I've been meaning to speak up and say something about the fact that, well, I don't have the same views on the bible as everybody there. Well, looks like I've really got my chance. The guy who leads the class Dr. Adanouga, he's going to Africa for a couple of weeks with a group from the church that are doing a kind of "medical mission" to Senegal, and he asked me if I would lead the class on one of those weeks. I told him I'd like to meet up with him and talk to him about it first. Of course he wanted to do that, anyway, but I feel like I probably have to "come out" to him at this time about where I stand. Can you believe it hasn't come out already? I just get really nervous and scared when I have to tell the truth about this, probably just because it's so easy to just play along and conform. Isn't that sick though?

Well, I hope that's enough and it satisfies you by making up for two missing posts. I'm going to lie on the couch, let the computer serenade me, and wait for Amy.

Believe (or not)

"It is always easier to believe than to deny. Our minds are naturally affirmative."
- John Burroughs

I've started reading "The God Delusion" tonight. I'm only on chapter one, but my initial verdict is "highly recommended." He talks a lot about Einstein, who is apparently quoted out of context a lot and made to seem as if he was a proponent of (organized) religion or of a belief in a traditional kind of God, anyway. I expect to gain a lot of insight and knowledge (of examples of the trappings of religion). The big preconception I once had of atheists is that they are a bitter uninspiring bunch that are missing a sort of "religious" or spiritual experience in their lives... I shudder to think, now, of how much I used to judge people I didn't know, just based on what I was taught by others - perhaps that's a good summary of the trappings of religion. I believe there's more where that came from, though. I'll keep you posted on how my reading goes. And if anything else comes up that "inspires" me, I'd like to remember to discuss that, too. That's what I really want to do with this exercise is get out some of my deepest feelings and experiences that I don't always share with anyone, otherwise.

No Time

(second song title by The Guess Who.. the other one was "No Sugar Tonight" - probably because those songs are on one of the last CDs I got)

I suppose I have "no time" for a blog today since I was actually out living my life.. ;P Amy picked me up after work and helped me go out and get a "mini-makeover" - a new, suede coat (definitely the nicest I've ever had) and my hair cut short and with some styling product (gasp!). This is fun. I especially like the coat. I really wanted something that looked more "professional" for work, and just something more mature, in general. Well, started to catch up on sleep last night (didn't feel sick from being so tired anymore, today) and I hope to keep up the trend. Plus, once I have more rest, I'll probably be a better writer. Tah-tah for now!

I'm So Tired

(in case you haven't noticed, all of my post titles so far are names of songs or albums or a key line from a song..)

another quickie. even more tired than yesterday, since I had trouble getting to sleep last night - I should cut off any coffee drinking after 9 at the latest, I suppose. I had an idea last night while I was trying to get to sleep.. or maybe this morning. Anyway, I was in bed. The idea was that I'd really like to do a video or audio blog, or introduce that aspect sometimes, somehow. Haven't figured out the details, yet, but I know my mobile phone takes video, and there's always YouTube.

alright, I hear a sound from my bedroom, calling me - "Wish you were here..." ;)

A Change will do you good

Change Agency

A blog I might want to check out. Not much else to report today. Pretty tired from being out last night and I'm going to get some studying done.

No Sugar Tonight

My first quick obligatory post of this exercise. The kind that I'm doing late (enough) at night after I get home just before bed...

Had a good church day... brought a "New Age/Psychology" book to church this morning to read before things got going, and some people there looked at it and actually said it looked interesting, which surprised me. Also had a nice open conversation with a couple of people this evening at Subway about things. And I managed to get in some studying this afternoon on forward contracts and call options. Yep, a pretty interesting day as Sundays go. I actually enjoyed the pastor's message this morning - he's a good speaker, though. He talked about fasting, which made me think it was kind of like a drug trip but without the drugs, so I might try it some time, just to see what comes of it. I spent a lot of time today with my new friend Amy. She was the one I went out with Friday night, but it wasn't her that said that silly stuff I talked about - that was her sister and her sister's friends.

Well, that's all, time for bed.

That's what friends are for

So I was out all night with my newest "friends"

Oh yeah, I had a good time. I like going out to dance. I don't usually care for people telling me I don't know how to dance or that I'm not having a good time, though.

I don't mean to sound so pissy - I don't think I am. In fact, I'd like to get to know them better, they like to party and this one guy likes good music and such. In fact, I walked into his room and he was putting on a couple of brand new as-yet-unreleased tracks by The Chemical Brothers (one of my favourite groups of all-time, as you may know), and the CD on the table beside his bed was the one I had listened to in the car on my way there ("The Information" by Beck). Also, this guy invited me for a weekend snowboarding with him and some other guys. And finally, it was by his advice that I bought a book tonight that was sitting in his living room.

Which leads me to my final point of the night. I purchased two books this evening:

"The Heart of Christianity" by Marcus J Borg
"The GOD Delusion" by Richard Dawkins

this is how we do it

it's Friday night

I'm going out! Somebody cared enough to invite me. :)

I received a package at work today containing my study materials for the exam that I'm writing in May. I certainly have a lot of work ahead of me, but I look forward to learning lots about Life Contingincies and Financial Economics.. honestly. ;P

In other news, I have decided where I am going to buy my coffee for work. There are some nifty machines that brew gourmet coffee by Timothy's World Coffee in the kitchen on the 4th floor. 75 cents a cup - can't beat that for a decent fresh cup of coffee. They have about a dozen different kinds, at least, and so far I haven't had the same one twice. My goal is to go from being a non-drinker to a veritable connoisseur... ah, screw that, I just want to enjoy good coffee.

Now playing: !!! - KooKooka Fuk-U

seriously, !!! is a band. great "dance punk" music. getting me psyched to go out and actually do something on a Friday night. mmm. the coffee doesn't hurt, either.

"people don't always get quite what they deserve
but sometimes I swear you can see it coming
karma comes round in some ways
karma comes round in some ways it's almost funny..."

s'alright s'alright s'alright...

Ok. wish me fun!

This is an Exercise

So I'm going to begin taking a kind of log, as it were, of my daily life, interesting or not (you decide). A log on the world wide web. One could call it a weblog - "blog," even.

I call it an exercise. If I'm not going to exercise my body, I might as well do something with my mind. I think that writing is as good as anything. Maybe I'll take up daily Sudoku puzzles, while I'm at it. It's also the title of an album - "This is an Exercise" by Anna Oxygen. I'm not really familiar with the album (I have one track from said album, to which I am listening right now) or any of the rest of Ms. Oxygen's repertoire, so for now it's just a piece of trivia.

I think that the only premise to this exercise, the only requirement, is that I write something every day - and I know that a certain reader of this log will keep me on track where that is concerned. Also, please feel free to inform me of any "misuse" of language on my part. I place the word in quotation marks because as far as informal writing goes, I believe there is no misuse of language as far as the meaning is unambiguously conveyed and understood. I reserve the right to change any of my so-called beliefs as well and would welcome and encourage all attempts to challenge them.

(An opera by Mozart plays in the backround.)

(I'm not kidding, and I simply started to play my music collection on "Shuffle" - à propos, n'est-ce pas?)

So without further adieu, I welcome you to my blog. Let the music begin!